Miller Lite, oh Miller Lite. Piss beer of my nightmares. Just when it seems like I couldn’t care any less if your beer disappeared forever, you go and make a believer out of me with 2 short, sweet words: GRIP. CAN. 

I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in.

photo via http://www.artzberger.com/BeerCans/newcans/feb12.htm

Yes, this is the can with the built in grip. Are you constantly dropping your beers? I know I am. Not anymore, asshole. Brought on by recent scientific breakthroughs such as the Vortex Bottle and the Cold Activated can, according to beerpulse.com: “Crain’s Business first reported on one of the [Miller Lite packaging innovations] back in October, ‘Among its packaging offerings is a ‘grip can’ or a ‘man can’ which has a raised ink design that can mimic the feel of a football.’”

Man can! Are you kidding me? It’s so condescending it’s actually come full circle and become endearing. Right now these cans are branded with some Mexican soccer team, but I guess come football season, you can actually drink beer out of a pretend football with your favorite teams logo slapped all over it. Yes!

This month, Miller Lite gets a 10/10.

Axe Head Watermelon

Hell yeah. The only way to make something that’s bad into something that’s good is to make it watermelon flavored. It works every single time without fail. (I would provide some examples but I can’t really think of any.)

The reason Axe Head Watermelon works is based on the basic principle of a chaser: liquor is yucky (speaking generally, of course, I love my liquor), so you immediately wash it down with something yummy (or pickle juice). A little while ago, someone who makes vokda figured out that you could cut out the chaser altogether by putting some kind of concentrated flavor directly inside the booze, without watering it down. This is why we have gross shit like whipped cream flavored vodka and delicious shit like AHW.

Make no bones about it though: it’s still AxeHead, so it’ll get you chain-so-big-can’t-pop-my-collar drunk. (It also tastes disgusting until you’re a few sips in, shhhh). It’s a prefect drink if you’re trying to be a goofball, or for a romantic night with a special lady. Just a very versatile drink, you know?

I’ve got a soft spot for this shit, so Axe Head Watermelon gets a perfect 9 out of 9.

Other Shit

Made up slogans for the other beers I drank recently:

Coors Light: A Grey Lady will never break your heart.

Bud Ice: Grab a battery and RECHARGE!

Budweiser: Gets the job done.

We’re now taking orders for copies of dirt is dirt #1, our very first quarterly zine.

Officially, we loosed it upon the world in a very limited run on St. Patrick’s Day 2012, but we sold out in about 5 minutes. Due to demand we’re currently producing a larger first edition. If you want one, and I know you do, hit us up at dirtisdirtdotcom@gmail.com right now. They’re only 5 bucks each + shipping (or we can just give it to you in person if you’re in Philadelphia).

Tomorrow night, March 17, dirt is dirt and Neva Safe will be at Teri’s Bar and Diner, 9th St. and Washington Avenue in Philly for Neva Safe’s comeback party. We will be on hand with our newly published zine, the very first dirt is dirt quarterly. Kevin caught up with Mabry for a rundown of who Neva Safe is and what they do. See you at Teri’s! 

Who the fuck are you? Whats your name where you from and where are you now? I am Alexis Mabry. I am originally from Dallas, Texas, now in Richmond, Virginia.

What do you do? Did you go to school? What did you study and Where? I am an illustrator, I studied illustration at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and am now continuing my studies in communication arts at Virginia Commonwealth University.

What are you biggest influences in your work? What made you pursue a career in art? I love anatomy, specifically medical illustration. I am fascinated with the human body inside and out, but mostly inside. I love bones, blood, guts, anything gooey, or liquidy. Im not quite sure where this fascination came from, but I did watch a lot of Tales from the Crypt and various other gross rated-R horror movies and TV shows growing up. Therefore I wanted to pursue a career in doing what I do best, drawing, while expressing what is apparently inside of me which is nude, crude, and pretty revolting, yet people seem to want more.

What is Neva Safe?  Neva Safe is an awesome outlet for my inner grossness. It is a brand, t shirts with my designs, bandanas, stickers, posters, original illustrations, custom hand painted skate boards, anything I can get my hands on to put my art on.

How did it start and what was it that pushed you to start this company?  Neva Safe has an interesting beginning. It all started in Philadelphia when my friend, John Nunn, and I were sitting amongst other frineds talking about boobs, then it turned into boobs that were sick, like one sneezing and one coughing. After laughing hysterically over our 14 year old boy humor, John Nunn says, “If you draw that, I will make shirts”. I drew, he made shirts, and it was a HUGE hit. We continued on from there, making more shirts and bandanas, patches and other things. The thing that pushed us to do what we were doing was the freedom and ability to put our shitty jokes on shirts and the response from our friends and others who wanted the shirts, it was so much fun.

What has Neva Safe done in the past (shows, Clothing, Etc) and what are your goals for Neva Safe in the Future? We started off making small runs of t shirts and selling to people around town or at a party, started making more shirts and bigger runs and started being featured in a couple collective art shows. We had shirts and prints posted on Etsy.com as well. In summer 2011, Neva Safe was, more or less, put on hold because I moved to another city and was not doing as many drawings as I was in Philly. John Nunn was beginning his amazing comedy career, then school started so that pretty much took over. I missed Neva Safe dearly, winter break i decided to start it up again full force. I got a private investor ([my husband] Joey) to throw in some dough and all the sudden Neva Safe was back in full force. Started making plans to throw parties. First on the list, of course, had to be a party in Philly. And if this party is a hit, I plan on making tons more shit and having parties anywhere that’ll have me.

Where do you come up with the crazy bullshit you put on your shirts and flyers? What are your biggest influences regarding your work with Neva Safe? The classic Neva Safe shirt had drawings by me but from the insane mind of John Nunn. The idea behind Neva Safe was just that, you are never safe, so the art turned into ailing boobs, girl with a skull for a face riding a shark. Sharks are my favorite animal and are also never safe so they are featured in a lot of my art. My biggest influences are anything that has to do with sharks, tits, blood and guts, human anatomy, girls with skull faces, these things will end up on a shirt or whatever else I got.

Fuck One, Marry One, Kill One: Your Husband, Dr Phil, Hitler. What if I fucked Hitler, Joey divorces me and gets help from Dr. Phil, then I bust in and kill Dr. Phil like a hero, but it’s after Joey is cured, then marry Joey again.

Why are boobs such a big reoccurring theme in your work (i love it by the way). But you a pervert or somthing? Neva Safe was birthed from boobs, boobs are the anchor to the whole operation as I see it. People went ape shit over the sick boobs shirt, it was a good one, and I don’t know anyone male or female who don’t like some boobies.

What is your ultimate goal for yourself, whether its with Neva Safe or your personal career? What do you wanna be when you grow up? I would love to see Neva Safe go as far as it can, it is what I truly love to do and it is what I am going to school for. It is the best outlet for the subjects I most enjoy drawing and the idea of making shirts, like walking art, from my designs seems cooler than having a shit load of paintings hanging around a gallery (which I would not mind by the way). This is so much fun for me and I just want everyone else to have some of the fun too.

Tell me about the show you have coming up in Philly, anything coming up in Richmond, website info, blog info, basically just plug yourself. March 17th is the first party ,of hopefully multiple parties, in Philadelphia at Teri’s Diner and Bar off Washington and 9th St. in the Italian Market. It’s gonna start at 10pm, there will be brand new Neva Safe shirts available for sale, bandannas for sale, and art on the walls, including some old drawings and original painted skateboards (also for sale). It’s kind of a pop up art show/promo party and sale party for Neva Safe. You can find the event on Facebook on the Neva Safe Facebook page. I have a few things on Etsy.com/shop/nevasafe, I have a tumblr too, but that is only there for posting sweet pictures I take at the Neva Safe parties, so beware!

Thanks Mabry anything you wanna say about stuff or things? I am really excited about this party and can’t wait to see everyone. Stay Wet!

Patrick Hennessy (via email):

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Sounds great Pat! Do you need my bank account number?

©2012Google.Promo (via email):

“Your e-mail has emerged as a winner of £500,000.00 GBP in our on-going
Google New Year Promotion 2012, Contact Mr.Paul Burton for your winning
details.Email: p.burton231@gmail.com”

Nevermind Mr. Hennessy! How much is £500,000.00 in dollars?

David Hayward (via email):

“Your website is broken bitches, here\’s my comment to the sports post: Where did you find this guy from? The other end of the stick Snookie peed on to find out that she’s pregnant? I thought this site had some good sh*t going for it but now I’m not so sure… The only coherent thing he said was ‘the NBA is the best thing in my life right now’, but that’s like saying Dommy P is a great drink. Of course it is – what else is going on besides the NBA? Jeremy Lin has captured the headlines nationally…. and quite frankly, it’s boring me, much like Brad’s less-than-philosophical sports ranting. And what is his problem with Josh Hamilton? Jealously? Go back to waxing your back in Dirty Jerz and wish Josh Hamilton the best. I’m expecting better next time…”

Thanks for letting us know our website is broken. We’ll get it fixed right away. Sorry to let you down.

We tend to not allow comments on pages for sanity reasons. If you want to get in touch with us, drop us a line at dirtisdirtdotcom@gmail.com.

Alright, the only reason I’m doing this shit is because I fucked up my shoulder, otherwise I would be ripping titties and getting yoked down in Tampa getting ready for the season, obviously. 

Here’s a list of shit I got -
-Ryan Braun
-NFL Combine
-NBA/Dunk Contest
-Josh Hamilton
-Shit

Ryan Braun
Your boy peed in a cup and had levels of testosterone that were 20::1. Regular people pee 1::1. His lawyer somehow won his appeal because of some bullshit with how long the pee sample chilled in this random dudes apartment before it was sent off to the lab. Now his 50 game suspension is lifted and he will probably keep his MVP trophy. This is bullshit. Fuck Ryan Braun.

NFL Combine
You squares don’t care.

NBA/Dunk Contest
Between LeBron having the best year ever, Kobe leading in scoring with a limp wrist, and Jeremy Lin crushing bad teams, the NBA is the best thing in my life right now. But the NBA always pulls this bullshit halfway through the year when they have a basketball game with huge celebrities like Justin Beiber, Ne-yo, and David Boreanaz, coached by Drake. In the same weekend they have the nerve to throw out the most mediocre dunk contest in NBA history.

Some dude, a pretty good dude, a hurt dude and a white dude. I guess the All-Star weekend would be a good time for Ben and Jerry’s to get racist.

Josh Hamilton
Your boy just relapsed again after coming off of a horrible year of weird shit. Last year he threw the ball into the stands to a fan, this guys went H.A.M. to catch it and fell to his death. The next day he laced a seed into the stands knocking out someone’s grandma, causing her to be carried off to the hospital. On top of that his team lost in the World Series that year and the year before. After all that you had better believe this motherfucker was gonna relapse. Fuck them Josh, get your swerve on.

Shit
Norris Cole goes Linsane
Mutumbo this for you

Brad’s Fun Fact
Michael Jordan once scored 50 of his high school teams 54 points.
Brad Grimaldi once scored 51 of his high school teams 54 points. Pussy.

-Brad Grimaldi

Photo by Kevin McWilliams. 

Like a lot of people who spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars learning how to be an artist (!), I work in an art gallery. And like most people who work in art galleries, I have to deal with your typical art gallery problems: The septic pump overflowing and flooding the basement with poop water, piles of artwork falling on top of people, no AC in the summer and no heat in the winter, and of course, the mice infestations. 

With a little patience, a couple glue traps, and a little bit of discipline about not leaving food laying around, it’s relatively easy to curb the problem. Oh wait, what I meant was, it’s impossible, because mice are some resilient little motherfuckers. They adapt to their situations like none other. Here are some notable things that they have eaten off of my desk.

1. pizza

A desperate and hungry mouse will eat just about anything (they’ve been eating broom bristles at my friend’s job), so I wasn’t too surprised to see that the mice had eaten through the back of a closed pizza box to get to the remaining slices (there’s has been exhaustive scientific research do to try to prove that “love of pizza” is a distinctly human trait, but recent developments in the field now have scientists believing that it is a feature shared by all mammals: similar to hair and live birth). I was impressed, however, at the stealthiness of the job. You almost wouldn’t have even noticed anything out of the ordinary when you opened the box the next day if they hadn’t pooped all over the inside of it.

2. ketchup packet

Those little noses are capable of smelling through even the fanciest of foil wrappings to tell there’s something edible in there, and those little incisors are capable of chomping through it to feast on the fanciest of condiments.

3. butter packet

No packet is safe.

3. bag of sunflower seeds

Mice love these things as much as I do. If I forget a bag on my desk, they’re gone the next day. That’s what mice typically eat, right? Like grains and whatnot? The first time that they got into my seeds, I popped a couple in my mouth without really thinking the next day and was wondering why I got a mouthful of empty shells. When I realized what happened I almost yakked and threw the whole bag in the trash. The next time I left some seeds out they weren’t so subtle however. The next day there were empty shells EVERYWHERE. Strewn across my desk, all over my keyboard, inside the paper tray of the printer. They had a god damned feast. It’s happened several times since then and everytime it looks like the bag exploded and pooped everywhere. That’s the mouse’s special move by the way – poop everywhere. Kind of admirable I guess.

4. gatorade

Mice gotta stay hydrated too I guess. I caught this mouse inside of an old Gatorade bottle slurping up Cool Blue electrolytes. (see above)

5. each other

In extreme duress, such as being stuck at the bottom of a garbage can, “Ralph S. Mouse” style, the little bastards kick into survival mode and will literally eat the weak. 5 or 6 mice went all Cannibal Halocaust on this one poor little guy. I punished them all by dumping the entire trash can down a storm drain. (That’s not even the worst “mice stuck in the bottom of a trash can story I have – A mouse once gave birth to a litter of disgusting little pink blobs in a yogurt lid inside of a trash can. It was traumatizing to say the least).

Notable things that they have not eaten:

1. Slim Jim

They did not snap into my forgotten Slim Jim the day that I left it out. Maybe the hermetically sealed plastic sleeve threw off their otherworldly sense of smell, or maybe the damn thing is so processed beyond belief that they didn’t even register it as food.

2. Tastykake

They didn’t get into my honey bun either. It’s not that they don’t like pastries, because they devoured a perfectly good box of homemade cupcakes one time. I’m going to stick with the idea that if it’s made with 10% organic material and 90% chemicals, they just aren’t going for it. Or maybe they just found another little weakling to chomp up that night. Mice are terrible, terrible creatures.

-Dan Haddigan

photo courtesy Boyd Pieschl

In his words, Ben Howard creates “paintings and drawings in a wide array of media and subject matter. Often large scale compositions that explore the sometimes over-sensory experience of walking down a city street infused with narrative derived from lucid imagination,” and we totally get that. 

His piece “Social Unrest” has  got a very temporal feeling, very “2012″. We really like how he’s able to transform a cheerful color palette into such an anxious quality.

http://www.benpainting.com

We’re already hard at work on our next project, so keep a look out. We’d like to thank Paradigm Gallery and Studio, all of the artists, and every single person to come to the event. With your support there really is no limit to the cool stuff we can all do… This is only the beginning!

 -Dan and Kevin

Special Thank Yous:

Sara McCorriston and Jason Chen of Paradigm

The artists:

Alexandra Wisniewski, Alexis Mabry, Aylor Brown, Chloe Crawford, Dan Haddigan, Daniel Potterton, Eric Kenney, James Ravelle, Kevin McCullough, Kevin McWilliams, Laurel Patterson, Phil Jackson, Stef Fuoco, Stephen Aleckna, Steven Alvarez, and Steven Speir

All of our friends, family, and everyone else who helped make this a reality for us.

The show is still open until January 22, so if you haven’t seen it yet there’s still time!

Chloe Pascal Crawford creates sculptural objects, paintings and collage pieces that I’m doing a disservice to by not speaking about at length. 

Similarly, the work itself comes across with such brevity that the viewer is really depriving themselves of an experience by not pausing to take in all of the nuances of the work: the subtle visual trickery, the themes of vastness and triviality, of meaning and meaninglessness, of happiness and, well, it’s opposite.

Photos courtesy the artist. Check her out here or here, or on here in the near future.